Somewhere in Time's Story

This is It

2011-06-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

. This is it.

Theres no looking back this time

No hope for remission

This is where I give up

It's not intermission,

this is goodbye

I have one chance to live,

And one to die,

One for hope

And one last time that I cry.

Never again will I look back

Never again will I say goodbye

This is it, the last time

This is it, my last try.

I run from everything I know for you

And all I get is another sigh

All the problems are my own

But you are too far behind.

I try to hold on

But I'm not that strong

I try to make you see

But you're not looking for me

But in the end,

When I'm standing here,

I have nothing with me

But all that I fear

And a lonely tear.

All the dreams an hopes

I'd left behind me

Hundreds of ropes

That bind me

From running back tonight.

I have no place to hide anymore

No place to escape the light

That shines and lights up my world

Showing me what life can unfold

If only for one but single step

And I will be free from all that debt

One single step away from you

Will take me to a place I never knew

Could exist

If Only..

2011-06-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

I wonder where what if's would be

If every Story didn't begin with possibility...

The value of dreams and unsound mind,

The treasure too deep buried, For sane mankind

If only i could dream for ever more

Maybe there would be reasons to show

Maybe if i had one more day

maybe i would learn how to say

the things i feel, the reasons i want

the truth be told, and stories unfold

I cannot but speak, i cannot but dream,

i cannot but hope for what i deeply mourn.

My speech be held, eyes are welled

my reasons are taken,

My spirit is broken.

I want not what I do not deserve,

I take not what i do not serve.

Maybe Love Isn't For Me

2011-03-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes and feel the emptiness,

Inside of me that grows with time

I see the void that turns to loneliness

I close my ears so I won’t hear the screams

Of the girl that just wanted her prince.

I have come a long way since,

But its hard to hide what I cant confide.

I wanna see the rainbow after the rain

I wanna heal after all that pain

I wanna feel free like the sky above

And still be bound to you

But I guess I’m not made for love.

I want to lay under the stars and talk,

I wanna feel the waves on my toes as we walk,

I wanna dance to no music, sing to no beat.

I want to be swept off my feet.

Maybe love just wasn’t made for me.

I want to be a princess for just a night,

Have my prince and fall in love at first sight.

I wanna be the centre of someone’s universe.

I want him to see through all my fears.

I want to believe I can break this curse.

I dare to hope that it will set my soul free

Then I won’t wonder if love was meant for me

All I want is one perfect fairytale

When I ask myself the question again

I know that I didn’t always fail

Even though it doesn’t work every time,

One day, maybe one day, I will be fine.

I may not be a beautiful dove,

But maybe I am made for love…

Second to Another

2010-12-07T12:06:00.000-08:00

I hear the same words over and over,

I see you clearer as you come closer.

What I want and what I am,

Are so hard for me to understand...

It makes me question what I know,

It makes me wonder why I have the urge to go.

I wonder why I cant take your pain,

and why I still want to walk out again.

I know you’re better than I deserve,

I know that my impulses need to curb,

One of these days I wont find my way back

And then I will search another heart to hack...

What is hard for me to conceal,

Is the hopelessness that I feel!

But my efforts are wrapped in lies,

My heart knows my mind’s disguise.

That somewhere buried deep unconscious,

Is a thought that I am too weak to fight.

But my heart knows my mind’s disguise,

You’re just my consolation prize.

A Long While

2010-11-23T02:48:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while since I let me smile.
It’s been so long since I loved a song
That touched my heart and left a part
Buzzing in my head and followed me to bed.
It’s been some time since I had my prime
But nothing tells me I can’t have it again!
It took a while for me to smile
But I won’t let it go again,
It took long enough to get through stuff
I won’t let it get the better of me again.

What a night could teach me, was not to fear.
What that night rekindled, was burning fire,
It gave me the wheel and the will to steer,
It gave me warmth of passion and desire.
The light came back, and so did the day,
But that aspiration in me is here to stay!
I found a part of me that still is young,
An element, that to darkness, wont succumb.
That’s the difference between now and then,
I shall never believe that I wont smile again!

Perfect Me

2010-11-23T02:38:00.001-08:00

I dream too big for my own shoes,

I know not which way to choose

I cant make decisions I wont regret!

I cant even figure guy problems yet!

I try to seem like I know where to go,

But in truth I dont even see a road!

I am scared and I worry and I ache in vain

There is nothing that will take away the pain!

Its hard for me to know who I am,

Between what I want and where I stand

I try not to look too lost on the way

But I wish I could find the means to stay

Where I am now and never change

And step into the world that seems so strange.

A way to hold on to everything I have

A way to make room for all that I crave.

I wish I could find the perfect me...

I wish I could keep everyone happy.

No Fears. No Incomplete Sentences

2010-11-21T21:00:00.000-08:00

I take so many pictures

Because I fear I will forget,

I write these things

So nothing goes unsaid.

Someday I wish for someone to see

And connect with the story in me.

Learn to make less fatal mistakes

Learn to dream bigger than greys.

I hold back on no tears,

Lest they die with me

I try not to suffer quietly.

As they escape and melt me away,

The pain I feel escapes

Even when there are no words to say

How much I hurt.

Perfect Stranger

2010-11-18T23:44:00.003-08:00

Every time i close my eyes,
what i feel is harder to hide,
i hear the wind
and i feel alone
i see the moon
and i start to mourn

i wish for sunshine
to light up my world
there are many things
i wish, as a girl.
Every time i close my eyes,
i hear those yearning smiles.

Come kiss me in my sleep
And sweep me off my feet
and tell me that it will be okay.
that the shadows all around
the footsteps on the ground
the loneliness I've found
will go away.
touch your finger to my cheek
and let our lonely eyes meet
and wipe away tears, still sore.
The fears in my mind
Mundane daily grind
people that are unkind
Shall hurt me no more.

i hear that love is strong
so I've waited for so long
the sky begins to fade
and the walls that i made
to keep me from hurt
are crumbling to dirt
come save me

I cant hold on much longer,
i thought i was stronger,
my heart is tender
the world, filled with danger
I see past your anger
will you come save me,
Perfect Stranger?picture: Artist-AnupriyKanti

Nostalgia,

2010-06-17T19:57:00.001-07:00

Dont you sometimes wish that life could be as simple as it was when you were little? when there was always a way to correct the mistakes you made in your little drawings and when mummy and daddy could take care of all the times that you fell and got hurt by just putting on a band-aid and kissing it? and now, sometimes you wonder where mummy and daddy are when you have a broken heart and wish that a band-aid and kiss would make it go away in a few hours. but its not true.. you can wait days and days and it will still not leave you like your evil, sinister little brother who loved to make your life hell.. but then again, mummy and daddy could yell at him and make him go away too (not always, but when you had too much). do you miss those days when the dirt you spilled on yourself or your friends spilt on you, could just disappear when you took a shower... it actually used to be fun to roll in the mud and get dirty...the time when you could miss a day of school when you were sick or just not up to it, and a signed note from your parents would just do the trick... do you miss the times when mom and dad yelling at you was the worst that could ever happen and you felt your life was over every time it got too bad? there used to be a time when crying seemed like the worst feeling ever, but then again, now i have days when i cant even cry, when its way beyond that... and those are definately worse. and sometimes i have those days when i remember how "missing" someone meant not seeing them from the time school ended till the time i reached home and called them from the phone... now missing someone has a whole new meaning... it means i cant see you for months and i dont know how you are, ask you if everything's alright, and make you feel better if its not. i miss the times when mom saying no, meant that it couldnt be done, without any questions.. life used to be so uncomplicated and straight forward. but i guess everyone has to grow up sometime, and i guess its my turn now, but Mom, Dad, it seems to me that 'now' is too soon to be myself without you, and let go and make my own mistakes, to take the world in full speed without you filtering it for me...you may think i'm ready, and you may be a little scared.. i promise you i'll be fine, but i guess no matter how independent i become, and how strong i get, i will always need you there to fall back on, just in case i ever need a signed note for a day off from life.

with love,
your baby

Trip and Fall

2010-06-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

i'm walking by myself,
singing to the sun,
im skipping like i used to
when the end-of-school bell had rung

back all those times we fought,
i thought it was the end.
but im tripping over my feet
i think i am falling in love again.

everytime you made me cry,
each teardrop that left my eye..
made me feel like it was the end,
but i guess im falling in love
with you all over again.

i'm sorry i hurt you bad,
but i guess i was just mad,
coz i always knew that in the end,
i couldnt help myself
from falling in love with you
all over again...

i guess its time i went,
its time for ur to part...
as i walk down the road
dragging on my heavy heart

i... i'm tripping over my feet
oops here i fall again,
falling hard, just falling...
in love with you again

i'm falling...
in love with you again

InsomniaC

2010-05-03T01:59:00.000-07:00

i cant sleep tonight,
i cant take the sparkly light.

i cant breathe with this pain on me...
Got no time to wait and see.

cos i dont know what tomrrow has,
but i'm not gonna wait for it
to tell me what i need, for it too be better.

cos Now is when all the peices fit,
when all the moments mean more-

but all of it is worth nothing
if tomorrow has a moment without you...
without your arms around me,
without the sound of your heartbeat...

without holding you tight,
i cant sleep tonight.

so dont leave me alone, and dont walk away,
dont give me a reason to let go,
coz i need you to stay.

dont pretend that its no biggie,
dont try to tell me its over,
coz i know you're not going anywhere.
coz you know you'll break somewhere...

and when you do, i will be right behind-
coz i know that without ending this fight,
you can't sleep tonight.

All- You- Need- To- Know Handbook Of College

2009-11-04T01:19:00.000-08:00

College isnt about the place, the classes, professors or friends. It’s a game... A game in which u can’t win, but you gotta play anyway... And it’s all about how many people can u turn into loosers.
the rules: you're not the only one who makes them. you gotta trash whoever trashes you. try not caring and you'l be left behind. its not about winning at all anymore.. its about how many people score lower than u to curve the grade, how people will screw with ur image to mak them look better, just in general how people have to make themselves beleive that they r good... its a rat race, and whoever looses least, wins.
You think you made it through four years of high school? Two years of junior college? And now all u gotta do is graduate with a good degree? guess again. its not over yet, and its definately not the worst u cud have had. How many people think studying abroad will make their life better? Leaving everything, life, love, family, friends, home and everything that you’ve ever known, everything you’ve ever been sure about to go to a completely new place. A place you have probably never seen before. A place where you know no one. You may think you know someone. You may find connections. Chachi’s maami’s naani’s great granddaughter... nobody. Everyone is there for themselves. You think they spend a million rupees to make friends? Yet we all leave, we all struggle, cry, hope, get hurt, bleed, cover up the wounds with dirty rags and tatters of experience and then build those walls around us that we sometimes forget how to break... Coz here, u got no mommy and daddy to go to to cover ur shit. you got no "fall back friends", you think you do? think again. still think u do? think again? u got doubts? you're getting there.

is it really worth it?

i know that its all about social rules,
But sometimes i forget the rules... and thats when i realize that all the friends i have are the best people i can ever have around me. Coz the people who you find around you when you make the gravest mistakes are the ones who are gonna be with you for a long time, coz either they are your partners in crime, and you'll will match on wavelength, or u'll have to guard their tongue, or well they'll accept u for all that...
and finding those rare people who'll accept u after it all, are the reason that the mistakes are worth all the loss.

i make the rules but sometimes the rules make me

Angels and Demons

2009-09-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes, some experiences in life make you feel like you suddenly see the world more clearly, like switching from a VGA camera to a 15 mega pixel camera, like throwing off a veil, like switching on the lights as it gets darker, like walking afraid on an empty street, like blinking when your eyes well with tears... life is full of odd experiences... and sometimes the

best you can do is blur the world out.
tune your reception to white noise

and blinding light; the buzz of silence,
the pressing darkness.
sometimes you need to blur
your vision with those tears and
not blink away.
to keep the pain from flowing away.
why won't you just stay
with me.
the perfect way that its supposed to be.
why can she see you, why cant you see me?
why do they judge me? why cant i see-
anything else?
why cant i believe...
its this once that i need my days to blur,
blinding light on my head,
and kindness when i go to bed.
where is my mother?
this time i need to break from the bonds,
why don't you set me free?
why cant i stop caring?
how can you do it so easy?
you said you weren't like him,
yet you do it all the same.
why cant u turn, and just once glance?
how can you not be given another chance
the next time you ask me?
why cant i have what makes me happy the next
time the chance comes? why is there pride?
why is there betrayal? why are there complications?
why so many questions?why can i never feel happy again,
with what i so badly want?

Patience, Hope and Forlon

2009-08-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hope, pleasure, happiness, desire mean different things to different people... As does love.

Love is when you cant see anyone else. love is a dream come true. love is when reality is better than dreams love is when you want nothing else love is two souls and one thought, two hearts and one pulse. love is a broken heart. love is when nothing changes, except everything.
Love is when you have a hundred reasons to leave, but just one is good enough to stay.

I don’t need the air around me to breathe

All I need is you.

I don’t want the darkness, I cant sleep,

All I want is you.

I cant hear the voices, the music, the silence,

All I hear is you.

I cant see the colours, or the rainbow

All i search for is you.

There are countless things worth living for

But all i live for, is you

Cold wind blows around me but

All I yearn is your warm breath on my face,

Your fingers running through my hair,

The smile in your eyes,

The warmth of embrace…

A tear in my eye, void space around,

My bare hands and thirsty eyes

Wait in intolerant patience…

As I look into the horizon, I see the breaking dawn

Soft rays of radiance, blazing intensity of hope,

Beautiful light coming through:

But in my deepest fears, in my burning desires,

In my moments of despair,

All I hold on to is you...

love happens, it changes everything, and then leaves, leving behind nothing more than a scar, upheaval, and hope that it will come again.

Slashed Wrists and Broken Mirrors

2009-03-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in everyone’s life when the world around you seems so alien and so oblivious to the suffering that you endure. You know in your heart of hearts, that nobody can understand your pain, and you are convinced that this is the worst that can happen to you. In this phase there is one psychological term to define how you feel: depressed.

Depression seemed, at that instant, too long a word to describe how I felt. “Death sounded more like it”, I thought terminally. I wondered for a moment how it would be if there was to be no tomorrow. I was to overwhelmed by the power invested in my hands, the power that could make there be no tomorrow. The power in the hand that held in its fist the small pill. The pill that could make everything disappear, even those hurtful words that had slipped from my mother’s mouth and hit me like lashes and squeezed the reminiscent of happiness from my mind. My heart ached as it had been crushed under her feet as she walked out of that door, as I sat huddled under my desk, hoping that shutting my eyes and ears would actually make me oblivious to the situation. Oblivious to the fact that I was a disappointment. Oblivious to the small voice inside me that was constantly telling me that I was the reason she was unhappy. Oblivious to the fear I felt every time I heard this voice, as it directed me from the reason of my mother’s unhappiness to the only one solution I had to make her happy again: to remove myself completely and permanently from her life. I had gone beyond depression. I was suicidal. And I knew it. I knew, as well as everyone else, that those cuts on my wrists were not remains of an accident. They were the products of the darkness and self pity within me. But as I clenched my fist, and the scabs of the scars burnt with the grief that my mother had left behind, I knew that this pill was more effective than any of the sharp objects I could find in my room. I had held it in my hand tightly as she had angrily snatched away every sharp thing in the room she could lay her hands on before she left. She was as scared of me as I was. I walked to the sink. Looked up at the pitiable, red eyed, puffy faced, tear-stained desperate expression I had.

It had been quite some time since I had been this way. Depressed. I had always contemplated suicide, but never got round to doing it. I never really felt that things were that bad, until my mother had finally picked on all my friends. My mother always criticized my friends. She always blamed them for everything and hated all of them. She never thought that any of them were ever worth becoming my friends. Even though they did not do drugs, helped me out whenever I needed it, and fought for me when I was being bullied (I was quite a pushover in high school, and was quite a target for mean comments once in a while) She looked for every opportunity to single me out and hold me from going out with them. Soon enough I found a way around that. My friends and I began to indulge in extracurricular activities. I began avoiding going home after school, because I knew that once I went in, I wouldn’t be allowed out until the next school day.

It was the presence of my friends and the time I spent with them that kept me from constantly thinking about what my mother said about me being a disappointment. They cheered me up if I called them after a fight with my mom. But sometimes, I would be left alone, when I had nobody to talk to but myself. It was at these times, on three occasions previously that I had tried to slash my wrists and bleed to death. But the next morning, I had just woken up, disappointed, puffy eyed and cringing to the pain in my wrists to the annoying music from my alarm clock that emitted annoyance as loudly as the death metal music. And then everything would be routine again. From wearing the same sweater (so that people wouldn’t notice the marks on my hand) in the heat of Bombay summers pretending that the winter was actually cold, to facing myself in the same mirror where I had pledged to myself the previous night that I would make my mother regret what she had said to me, everything remained unchanged, but for the burning sensation on the raw skin that came when anyone even touched my skin an inch away from the wound.

“This was the problem”, I thought “I wake up every morning”. The pill in my hand was a sleeping pill. And there were many more where it had come from. I had stowed away an entire stock of them from my grandmother’s medicine box, in a small box that I kept under my sink. I looked back at the mirror and made the same vow that I had, so many several times, and swallowed the pill, and another, and another and another, until I finally lost count and lost my sense of balance. I walked to my bed and succumbed to the drowsiness that overcame me.

I heard a shouting noise. It sounded frantic. And then I felt a hand touch my cheek, and then reach out to my shoulder. My eyes wouldn’t open, I couldn’t lift my limbs. The hand pulled me into a sitting position, but I couldn’t even hold myself up and I felt my body plump back onto the bed. Sleep lulled me into a blissful embrace, and I slept again.

Again, in a phase of consciousness I felt something round, cold and metallic on my neck. Again a hand pushed me up, this time much stronger than my mother’s had been. I became curious and tried to open my eyes, but they were too sleepy to open. And then I felt a surge inside me. Of something that was stuck in me that was struggling to escape my lips. I took a deep breath, and recheted over the side of my bed. And managed to croak: “you smell nice, dad”. I heard a worried smirk reach his face as he spoke to the doctor who had again pressed the stethoscope to my chest. I slept again. In a haze I felt someone carry me into a vehicle, it began to move, after a while I was carried out again. And then I finally reached where I wanted to be, back in bed. I slept.

The next morning, when I awoke, I realized it wasn’t next morning at all. It was four days since the day I had last cried. And in the search of death I had earned myself a bed in the ICU, with numerous needles sticking out of me, a week worth of missed schoolwork, a lot of disappointment, and a heft hospital bill, my mother’s regret, and a lost challenge of finding death.

It was in this ICU that I learnt what countless explanations from my friends and counsellors couldn’t make me understand. I saw a book. And stole it, something I had never even thought of before. It was face down on the table of the person beside me. The back read: “there is an easy way of determining whether your mission on earth is completed; if you’re alive it isn’t”. I never read anything beyond that part of the book, and I never really believed in the fact that I was born for a ‘mission’ but I realized that by doing whatever I was doing, I wasn’t being too useful. In fact I was being quite selfish. I kept the book; I still have it, because that book, those lines, made me see light for the first time in years. It gave me a new life where I was, not looking for a reason to steal it away from myself, but I was looking for something that was beyond myself.

My mother finally stopped nagging me, even if it was out of fear. I was relieved. It felt like a huge burden had been removed from my shoulders, the broken mirror through which I saw the amplified unhappiness and disappointment, mended itself and the black veil, through which I had seen the world for so long, had finally lifted. I began to see the beauty in imperfection rather than brood over not having a "happy" life. I immersed myself in social service and other activities and even began to do better at studies. I involved myself in so many things that I didn’t have the time to think, to brood, to pity myself. I managed to drown the small voice that I had feared for so long, that had so slyly seduced me into suicide, as I busied myself in the rush of the hour. I left no time for me to think.

Two years and maturation later, I realized that the voice in my head that I had feared only arose out of a lack of purpose. I wasn’t thinking too much. I wasn’t crying all the time and looking at the dark side of everything. In fact I was doing exactly the opposite. I was enjoying myself. I was enjoying the rollercoaster ride even the downs, because I knew that the thing I had pulled myself out of was by far the worst. I knew that I could have no worse or more powerful enemy than myself and the fact that I had conquered it, I could get through anything.

You Mean It All

2009-02-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

I’d give the world to see you smile,

To lay my head on your shoulder,

And kiss you one last time,

To be alone with you, just a while,

To know that everything’s gonna be fine,

Have you beside me, to hold your hand.

But the more I try, the more you slip away

through my fingers like the sand।

Trying to make it through one more day,

Trying not to hurt you with what I say,

Trying hard to keep it light

Trying not to hold on too tight

Trying hard to be what you wanna see

Can’t you see what you mean to me?

Baby, I’d give anything to get it right.

Just this once...

fairytale romance...

Take My Breath Away

2008-09-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

sometimes when it all ends, theres somethings you want to hate.. and somethings that you want to throw away... somethings you want to keep forever and make them a source of your inspiration.. somethings that make life more difficult to hate.. and some like this poem.. that feel emotionless and dry.. to think that its over and will never be again..
to think that a work of art like this will not feel the same when i look at it again.. Feels distant..

Looking into those eyes
Looking back on those days
Feeling I get, when I feel your breath on my face.
Feeling of a pure world without lies
When I look into your eyes
Those arms in which I wanna fall.
At the end of everyday.
The way you take my breath away.

Your eyes, my eyes cant meet.
I can feel the blush on my cheeks.
Awe at the way you can see beauty in me.
Still resting in the warmth of your love
As I close my eyes on the heaven above,
As I close my eyes to the dream--
I wish for the moment to last forever;
Dont let me move away
From those arms in which I wanna be
At the end of everyday.
I can feel you take my breath away.

Please dont go...Dont move...Dont walk away.
Coz its really hard to tell you that
I want you to stay.
Because...with you beside me...
No mountains, no rivers, no oceans, no storms
Can come betwen now and where I want to be
The way you make my heart skip a beat
The way the ground slips beneath my feet
And I melt in your arms

A One Minute Rip-Off

2008-07-03T07:22:00.000-07:00

Imagine this:

A crowded street, all black and white...

Corporate offices, tall buildings,

Long work clothes sweeping around...

An air of impatience- to get somewhere.

Everyone is struggling...

Everyone is thinking ahead...

Already planning dinner or maybe even tomorrow's breakfast.

An air of excitement-

Someone who just got promoted

thinking of what to do with the money.

The cold wind blows as the people hug their belongings closer to each other.

A fraction of a second,

Two pieces of clothing,

A larger gust of wind,

A crowded street all black and white and

two people.

Two pairs of eyes- one blue and one green- turn to lock,

one more second to recover the shock...

So many other people as they walk- still in black and white
two people still stuck in glance,

two people- nothing more than a hindrance to those walking by.

Two people- stuck in the moment-

forgot to think a head for that minute-

And got stuck in the present...
Disaster.

Two seconds to untie the scarves,

Another to whisper an apology,

A few others to let the lady pass...
And two smiles that last forever.

A One Minute Rip-Off of time

Slip into the Darkness...

2008-04-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

I cant ask you to choose... All i can do is step down..

What happens when everything you own is at sake...
when you wanna be selfish for once.. not care about others ..
for once.. for once you just wanna keep yourself happy
and away from all dangers and jealousy
and other sort of negative attention?
You don wanna live for anyone but yourself...
There are many who need you... whom you need...
But sometimes you just don’t have the willingness to hold on anymore...
You got no strength to fight the world
And keep yourself where you are...
To put up another battle with a jealous girlfriend or an insecure friend?
What happens when
they begin to take over and all your fears come true...
your grip starts slackening
and your peace of mind begins to diminish...
you want to hold on.. coz you love them..
but then again..
it takes effort and time and energy and strength to fight...
what’s at stake? what will you achieve?
what do you do when the whole world comes crashing down?
you just fade into the darkness.. like you never were...
everything in life doesn’t need a reason,
everything does not have an explanation...
I have nothing to give, no strength to fight.

Child's Play

2008-04-06T06:25:00.000-07:00

Its a lonely night, the storm's gone by

nothing to fear, no reason to hide

the darkness still falls and the wind still comes

nothing has changed, life still isnt done

soon there will be hope, with the rising sun

bringing to light the devastation that occured in its absence

and as we stare it in the face, as we see how much is lost...

there comes the need to rebuild it all

knowing that one day it will go again

again will come that burried pain

Again..

2008-03-31T13:09:00.001-07:00

Darkness falling all around
Just give me one- just one sound
I wanna find you in this darkness
Cause I’m lonely- oh so lonely
In a place of complete disaster- help me deal with the stress
I’m completely lost- come find me

I see you walking away-
I call out to you- ask you to wait
But I guess it’s just too late
You cant hear me- you cant see
Your back is turned towards me
I call out and you walk out
I run after but you’re too fast
The trail is to faint- it doesn’t last
And I am back alone again

Pass Away

2008-03-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

wrote it in response to a peice of work i had seen quite some time ago.. was really touched by it..

I turned around. I saw you. I kept watch on you all the time
I watched and waited for you to see me. I waited as I watched you walk by
But you never looked my way. And so… I looked away.

When you walked up to me I felt blood in my head
When you looked into my eyes I felt like my heart had bled
My secret to you
I wished you had understood what my eyes were screaming
I wished you had heard me thinking
I wished you were mine, I wished for all the time
To stop and leave our eyes locked in glance
I wished just for one single chance
To tell you how I feel
I wished for the world to end and I wished for you to bend
Down to me

The moment came and passed away…
Here I am standing today…
Wondering what stopped you from knowing
Still wondering why didn’t you see me hoping
It took me years to realize that you weren’t for me
I watched you at the altar wondering why I couldn’t be
The one standing beside you

Beautifully Broken

2008-03-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

Its not easy but i gotta try
Just watching the hour ticking by
Isnt enough. I'm tired *sigh*
n i cant hold on for all eternity
All you need to do is push off the ledge
And i will die
Keeping all my faith love and trust at stake
But I'm tired and I'm gonna let go

As I fall beneath the clouds,
As i close my eyes and feel the bliss
Of weightless freedom and tired hands
I Live
I see the darkness turn to red
I see- I feel how my heart bled
To let you go
Scared to leave- to reach the ground-
But as i fell and hit, i found
It wasn't the fear that came from pain of failed
Attempt to survive, but that which
Comes from dependance

Cringe From The Light?

2008-01-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

There are so many things I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know why it’s so hard to confront the issues. I know about a lot more people like me but then again I prefer forgetting everything. Is it because it is easier to run away from things? Is it really as temporary? If I have actually blocked it out. Why does it keep returning? Why do I wake up with a jerk every night? Why do I cringe from the darkness? Why do I prefer to burry my head away?
So many questions... so many... what’s the answer? Even I don’t know.
Help me!

Its been buried deep so long,
Like the forgotten words of a favorite song,
Now I don’t know how and what to say
Do I really not know what made me this way?
I don’t know how I lost the faith...
When it all came back and went again...
When I learnt to look up to the sky...
Fall down again; again aim high...
I don’t know what made me so quiet…
What went wrong? Why I hide myself from the riot?
Why are my memories so forgottenly faint?
Why are they slowly turning me sane?
Why do I wake up with a jerk every night?
What is it that I am trying to fight?
Is it that what was buried then?
Am I trying to fight the pain?
Or run from that which made me cry
With the fear that it may return…
But it never ever did go away...
It loomed in the dark and when my thoughts ran astray…
It all came back crashing down…
I don’t wanna blame those the cause
And I don’t wanna make my life pause
And stand and wait till it plays on in my head,
And reveals all those memories I dread.
I managed to drive it out of consciousness,
But what do I make of the groping nightmares?
I don’t know why I timidly stop mid sentence...
I don’t know why I flinch in the dark...
Is all this true, or am I just lying to steal-
The happiness, which by the hour turns scarce
Why do I find it so difficult to reveal
How the horror within me feels?
Why is there a scar on my confidence?
Why do I live this life of denial and pretence?
Whom am I trying to hide from?
The world? My self? Or the day to come?

Goodnight.

2007-12-19T12:27:00.000-08:00

life is complicated.. everything isnt simple.. you can make it simple sometimes. Most of the times. You can be inspired by innosence... but
Sometimes you have to stop questioning things and just flow and go where it takes you.

Trust and faith is all it takes.
If you have these you can put all at stake.
And never regret a thing.
Tears come and flow and dry,
the sorrow seems to mourn like a friend,
now it’s suddenly so hard to try
and love again.
Ask the one you should.
And it’s definitely not me.
The moon is pretty, but I can’t see.
The silence is golden, but I don't know its value.
The stories are good, but they're not true.
The fairy tales are over, time to grow up,
Way too much talking- time to shut up.

I know you want me to see, but I have real bad vision.
Not view. Vision. I can’t see anything.
Others don’t matter.
You can blame me for all that’s wrong,
but why is it all about explanation?
Humour doesn’t strike.
Questions aren't unanswered anymore.
Happiness mocks the minute,
and I have nothing to say.
It’s my fault and I may
be hanged. I have to sleep.
Goodnight.

Here Without You

2007-12-05T07:20:00.000-08:00

The sky turns red and the wind is chill
I paint a picture and stare my fill
There is no voice, no stir
I hear footsteps somewhere near,
I am hoping that it is you coming here
But all the hope succumbs to fear
Are you coming closer or walking away?
My vision is too distorted for me to say.
I don’t want to leave but I’m too tired to stay-
My eyes are drooping, the sun is setting
Another day gone and I am waiting
And As I think of you every day…
As I slowly succumb to the clutches and fray
All the hope to pieces and treasure each piece…
As I drift into the arms of sleep,
As I fight the lulling dream,
Where you’re waiting, till life may bleed-
I wonder: Does it have to be,

Another day, without you and me.

------------------------------------------
Another day comes and another day goes.
And all I can do is just hope and dose.
I try to come, I try to reach,
But all my attempts are nowhere close,
Nothing compared to the reward I reap…
Coz you can explain everything,
And negate all the efforts I make to bring
Us nearer. But I will wait, and I will try;
And I will break my heart again, as long as I am alive.
But even if I wait my whole life through,
Even if I cry with blood tears, true,
Nothing’s gonna be enough proof;
The reality is just that:
I'm here without you.

Somewhere In Time’s Story

2007-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

Somewhere round all life’s bends,
Somewhere in the hearts of all my friends,
I am alive.

Somewhere in future’s history,
Somewhere in the pages of time,
I will survive.

Somewhere in the tears of friendship,
Somewhere in the hymns of worship,
I will be found.

Somewhere up the lines of blood,
Somewhere stuck in happiness’ flood,
I will set my ground.

Somewhere in the hearts of those I love,
Somewhere in their happy memories,
Somewhere in their beautiful treasuries,
Somewhere in their courage and strength,
Somewhere in their every breath,
I will live on.

Somewhere in time’s story,
Somewhere in nature’s glory,
I belong.

I Am

2007-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

I am the light in the dark
I am the rock that leaves a mark,
I am the diamond among the stone,
I am in a crowd but yet alone.

I am the water in the desert,
I am the healer among the hurt,
I am the rain in the drought,
I am the one who stands out.

I am the music among the silence,
I am the truth among pretence,
I am the colour in the dull,
I am different from them all.

Footprints in the Sand

2007-11-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

As I look back on the sea of sand,
As the sun rests on the palm of my hand,
The day is over, the sea is calm,
The beach is empty and the wind is warm.
No people are left as the sun goes down,
Nobody looks back as they walk towards the town.
The thoughts on my mind fade away,
The sun goes down and it’s the end of the day;
The feet that walked down the shore
Have walked and gone and seen no more.
The sky is red, the sun is dead,
It is time when all go to bed.
The sea slowly swallows them-
All the impressions…
Who knows why those feet came there…
Who saw the million emotions?
The red illuminates the depressions on the land-
The marks left behind…
A million footprints I see,
One pair of the many belongs to me.
I still watch as the sea comes close,
I watch as the water touches my toes;
The sea washes the marks on my hand,
As it swallows the footprints on the sand.

Maybe the Fault's in YOU....

2007-09-05T08:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we cant speak to people..

sometimes we cant be there for them..

but that doesnt mean we dont care for them. nor does it mean that we dont think about them..

it just means that sometimes you wanna be all by yourself.. and at those times you still miss them and think about them but but you know better than to have them around coz there are some things you need to sort out with yourself..

sometimes you wanna be with them but you know you musnt...

you may hurt them or you may hurt them so bad that you loose them... but those who stick by you still are the ones that you can depend on and the ones who will stay forever... These are the people who will understand you and remain by your side... Coz what you say or do will not change the way they feel for you... You dont have to make a forced conversation with them just coz you think that they'll leave u...

this isnt to help you decide who is a true friend and who isnt.. it is to be of use when you're trying to figure whether you're a good friend or not...

we all have many expectations from our friends...

we all know what who should do..

in our quest to decide who's the true friend..

but we often forget what we must offer...

what fault may be at our end..

we always forget that we must try to be good friends too...

Some Ends...

2007-07-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you love someone so much that even when they are away from you... the words they said.. the way they spoke... what they did... how they did things...
then when they're not with you anymore, you wish you could have never left them...

life is full of surprises. sometimes it gives you what you asked for and makes you happy... other times you get dissappointment....
one thing i know is that one thing leads to another.
then if that one thing makes you sad but the other 1 makes you happy, it becomes really hard to decide whether what happened was good or bad.

maybe at a time you may think that you have nothing to look foreward to or nothing that can ever make you happy..
i could bet on it that you're wrong... there a little things in life, jokes/ people doing weird stuff/ sumone falling/a teacher with a weird accent or even someone with a smut on their nose, that make you laugh and at that point when you laugh, you forget your worries... you forget to be sad, you just live for the moment...

thats the way it should be....

i know that life is full of surprises but it isnt unfair...
everyone gets a fair share of it...
sometimes you reach dead ends...
few people have the courage to turn back and say that they took the wrong path...
another few have the guts to try and break through the end and make a new road...
another few will stealthily turn back and pretend they never went wrong... well they are still on the right track...
but there are so many people who just break down with greif at their misjudgement, or blame it on others, or lose all hope of ever succeeding...
they're the ones who think life is unfair... they're the ones who think life gives them none but greif....

well decide for yourself whom you wanna be....

I Love U Still

2007-07-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

sometimes people hurt you so much that its difficult to express in words. and sometimes you love them so much that its difficult to tell them how much they hurt you.... especially since you know they dont care
you just dont feel like getting hurt all over again....
people change before your eyes... and you're left wishing that they never had....

every stab of pain
and every pinch
of words that you speak
push me inch by inch
in to a dark valley
whose end i cannot see

i want to abstain
to push it back
to keep the words
from reaching my heart

how can you be so smart?
make me your plaything.
why do you make me feel
that i mean everything
to you,
when all you want
is my help in need.
then all i get is a taunt
and a few words of "i dont care"
"about you"

do you never think twice
about what you say?
hope is all i wake up with
every day........................
blinded by the love i bear,
all i have is a little wish,
that one time, sometime you may
love me back the way
i love you.
and i live my life through.

never fearing
never caring
you manage to kill me every time.
everytime that you make me cry,
it is my blood escaping my eye.
every time a little more.
i cant keep it in even if i try,
coz u sear my heart so deep-
that one day i shall but weep
your name out of it.

one day that cut shall never heal.
and one day the blood shall not stem.
one day it will keep
flowing and i shall bleed.
i shall bleed and never stop.
one day my heart shall stop its beat.
one day will come and go,
and you in your life shall continue to flow.

you can go on and never look back.
you can feel that you can stab and hack
and squeeze my soul and not bother.
but i shall never forget:
i love you still, little sister....

those whom you love dont always love you back...

What You Want...

2007-07-02T12:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes what you want is not what you get... but sometimes.... you get what you want in a totally different way than you wanted it. every thing goes wrong, a million people are hurt in the process and then that thing doesnt seem as attractive anymore. its more like you hate yourself for wanting it...
that is what always happens in life.. you know what you want but you forget the conditions... like you want a lot of sweets but you forget to say that you want it before your teeth fall off or before you get diabetes.
either ways well we want a lot of things in life... we dont get all we want and nor do we always want all we get...

Life sux sometimes but then again....
its not that bad after all....

Alien

2007-06-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

there's so many things i dont understand. why does the world spin? why is it round? why do people live? what is life?
but nobody thinks about what i think.
through my eyes the world is a weird place and people are weird creatures.
to the world, i am weird.

they speak words too many
the value of them, aint a penny.
they all seem to be so true
until they finally desert you.

in their sad times ,
they take my name.
when they need comfort
and a cure to the pain.

always the story
remains the same.
just the people change,
but theu repeat the game..

their fun i cannot understand.
all they need from you is a helping hand.
for them, being a friend is like
leaving footprints on shifting sand.

they never notice im missing.

when they're happy,
you dont matter.
when they wanna party,
your priority comes later.
they will leave and forget.
and then not care.
coz i am just another teddy bear,
who you can cuddle in times of sorrow,
then put away in a corner,
until it's needed again,
coz its too embarassing to show.

i donno how it hurts me so.
i donno why they stoop so low.
its become so usual now,
that i dont even get the blow.

i am always forgotten
when you're not sad.
i am always left alone,
to get angry on my bad.
dont you ever think of me:
when you're on your laughing spree?
why do you always go astray,
when others call...
am i that insignificant?
dont i matter at all?
why dont you help like i do,
when i seem to fall?

why do they always leave me so?
why do they always do this?
could it be me? is it my mistake?
dont i matter at all?

this is a tribute to all those dormant friends who play a role in peoples lives and then get forgotten

Great Expectations

2007-06-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

sometimes, people never like whatever you do. when people are always asking for more. when what you feel, doesnt matter.
when you love so much.
when people become more important than yourself.
when these people are your parents:

why do i always see dissappointment
when i look at you?
why do you always ask for more
when i do something new?

why are you never satisfied?
why do you never once smile?
whenever i tryto make you feel pride,
why do you always say i could do a better mile?

why is it always
my mistake?
inspite of doing my best,
why do you make
impressing you seem so impossible?

why do you affect me so?
why do i always seek to please?
why do you never see my growth?
how can you critisize with such ease?

why do you want me to dance
when i've just learnt to toddle?
why do you compare
me to your imaginary idol?
why do you always seek to impair?
why do you never see what you've done?
why do you think its just a bit of fun
to play and belittle what i have
and what i think; why do you
always add a tonne
to what i already must carry?

why do you make the stars seem so far away?
why do you have to be the biggest obstacle in my way?
do you know how much i yearn for you to just once say:
"well done?"

IM SORRY, BUT THATS JUST ALL I CAN DO......

Always....

2007-06-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

life is all about moving on. people move on. people leave. but hope remains. tere is always a wish more than anything else, to go back into the past. but if we live in the past, we forget to see the goodness of the present. we fail to appreciate the difference when we compare... we always compare what had been to what is. but we fail to realize that there's no point in it.

we all must move and keep moving.....
and we decide the direction.

people always leave.
sometimes its our fault,
sometimes its theirs.
sometimes its time that pulls you apart.
and sometimes its just nothing.

people always leave.
some leave behind a promise,
some leave hope, and some dissappointment.

people always leave.
But some come back.

when you least expect it.

Faith.

2007-06-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

sometimes its so hard to see the positive side of life. sometimes you cant see anything but sadness. there's nobody to tell: not because nobody is listening but you feel that they wont... sometimes you wonder why you must burden or bore people with your problems...
there are phases when days together seem like all dark. all sad and gloomy. everytime something good happens and youre happy, the next moment, you're shattered by someone's words.

it seems to be happening so often that you dont wanna tell people coz u fear that they might not care. you're scared that they may not listen.
they never tell you anything.. so how can you?( guess what? maybe they think the same way!!)
but well maybe, on the other hand, they dont wanna tell you, coz they don't trust you enough...

you have to feel that you cannot go wrong.
you have to decide how much you trust yourself and your choice friends.

Them.....

2007-06-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

There are two sides to everything....
life doesn't end where you think it does. it ends when what you're meant to do is over. face it. you're alone. everyone is. and thats the way its meant to be.

you dont need
any one to pull u up.
you dont need to be given
happiness in a golden cup.
everyone will come and go.
thats the way life will flow.
but the ones who stay by you,
even when they've passed
are the ones who are true.
the rest are all fun while they last.
donot regret what is lost,
for it and time is done.
just keep in mind what you learnt
and forget that they've gone!

The world is still beautiful and life, still worth living!

IF...

2007-06-07T07:43:00.001-07:00

this isnt my poem.. its by rudyard kipling... but it touches me deeply... i love this poem 4 some reason...
i love everything about it... its just so perfect... i just wish i could b as gud a poet..

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Crazy World....

2007-06-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

sometimes it is just so weird that you only realise the truth when you lie about it to someone... like when you try to convince someone that you are someone whom you are not... maybe it is actually the person u wanna be....
at other times you dont really realise that what you are saying is actually true... but you take it as a joke and so do the others.. its like saying "sure i love you" and then thinking over it and saying to yourself... "do i love you?"
its weird... and some times you feel that you truly love someone and the next moment you rememebr something bad they've said or done n then ur blood flares up against them but the next minute when they speak to you and butter you up... you forget all the bad stuff and tell them how much u love them.... but the truth is that the stuff is still there... its not forgotten. it comes back. that means its not true that you love them...

its crazy... yes. totally!

Violent Love??!!!

2007-05-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

you all must have heard about the hyderabad blasts....

well india is an easy target for unrest... any terrorist just plants a bomb anywhere in the country and then the entire community goes up in arms against the rest of the country... really!

is it really that ieasy to turn the people against their country?
why do people just start fighting without realising? dont we realise that we are just making it easier for the enimy/ the terrorists to create terror.... we do it for them!!

we are giving them a destroyed country on a golden platter! if every one is so angry we must use is in a proper direction! we must unite under the sadness. when i went to france the people were actually surprised to hear about how much people love this country! when i translated the meaning of a.r. rehman's vande mataram to them, they actually had tears n told me how lucky i was....
i think we are very lucky to be here and we should realise that the people around us are as much to blame as the rest of us and they are as innocent as the rest of us.... why create havoc and destroy lives of inocent people when one of them could have been you?

PeRfEcTiOn

2007-05-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Why cant life be perfect? my friend asked me...
if you see it my way life is perfect... there's a little bit of everything.. a little happiness and some sadness and a little love and a heartbreak... the truth is that it all depends on how you see it!

ring the bells that still can ring...
forget your perfect offering.
there is always a crack in everything,
that is how the light comes in........

if every thing was good then you would never have any value of it as there was nothing to show you other than happness... so if every thing was perfect in your sense then perfect would be normal and some thing better than perfect would be perfect... the list is endless the truth is we must remain happy as who we are.. and must be happy about what we have...
trust me, if u look from my eyes,

the world is as complete as it could be,
everything around me is where its meant to be,
nothing could be better than the way it is,
i dont care about what could have been,
MY LIFE IS AS PERFECT THE WAY IT HAS BEEN!

What Happens When...

2007-05-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

sometimes you want something so bad but you cant get it. not becaus or the person who has it is better.. its just... not there... but this isn't a movie where the second person is a vamp or something... she's just as nice and wonderful as you are and deserves whae you're not good enought she has as much as you do... you really wish that that person is bad or has some defect... but u still know the truth... then what do you do? blame her for something thats not her fault? or do you give up something u so badly wanted? is it really that simple?
sometimes you're just left grinning with a lost air at what could have been....
sometimes they dont even know you're watching...
the question is: What Do You Do Then??

Sometimes its nobody's fault
its just the way its gotta be.
sometimes you'e just as good,
but its still no use watching hopefully.

He Was

2007-05-13T06:03:00.000-07:00

some times you feel that you may loose your friends if they grow and make it big... but the truth is they will only forget you if you let them. if you have been a good friend and done your duties well, they will not only remember you when they have grown, but they will also make you a part of their progress. this poem is about an incident where a friend of mine was making me listen to one of his own songs... i was proud to hear it and said that one day when you make it big, i will tell everyone that this guy was my friend and i used to listen to his music at three in the night... But, he corrected me... you wont say he was my friend and i used to listen to his songs at three in the night... you will say that he is my friend, i listen to his songs at three in the night and i am gonna meet him backstage after the show...!
Thats how friends are...............

i can feel you growing
i can see that you're gonna make it big
i know that then i will be saying
i heard that guy sing....

i can feel it in your eyes when you look at me,
i can hear it, when you play, in your hand,
i can see it in your voice when you sing to me,
i can taste it in the air, when you go mad!

i dont know how you do what you do,
i don't know how you can hypnotize me so,
i don't know how, when i write about you-
the words just begin to flow.

everyone can feel it around you.
i know you want it that way too.
but still you deny what we can see.
how do you know what is gonna be?

i cant stop looking at you standing there,
whacky, different, standing out, crazy,
how can it be, i ask you,
that a peson like this can remain a nobody?

in my world you're there already,
i can see you in my dream,
i can see myself watching you with awe,
and then i turn and tell some(random)body:
"this guy was my friend, and i used to be
his favourite die hard fan", he
laughed at me and i turned away
when someone corrected me.
the enchanting voice from the stage said this:
"he not only was, but he also is......."

sometimes people never forget.....

As Long As Hope Is Alive.....

2007-04-29T13:44:00.000-07:00

sometimes it is easier to lie than tell the truth... i didn't lie then... at the stake of my friend's heart.

Everyone makes mistakes. I am no exception.......

the stab of pain.
the tear in my eye.
they all ask me why
i didn't lie.....

i feel i've lost forever.
i feel i'm never gonna get you back.
i wish i could make it appen all over.
but i know i can't-
i know it will never
be the same.

i know that i am wrong
but knowing is not enough,
i have to repent for all the times
that you had to be tough.

i wanna tell you
that i miss you so
i wish i had never
let you go....

i wish that i'd said
to you what you mean,
but i know that i
had not seen
your love for me....

i want you to know,
and i want you to see-
that i miss you,
that this is how i feel.

i want to reach you,
i want you to read,
its for you that i write this-
i wish that someday it will lead
you back to me.

please return before its late
i dont have a choice-
but to leave the rest to fate-
please come back even if
it is only to hate.

i want my voice
to reach the you where
i know in some corner there-
i still reside......

i know that you will never forget.
i just wanna say that i will never regret-
every moment i spent with you.
i know that people always go away
but there are a few,
who leave the hope of returning someday!

i will not give up untill all resources are dry
not as long as hope is alive.....

please come back....

Moving Ahead....

2007-04-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

sometimes you feel that you are alone... that everyone has someone withthem but you dont... sometimes its just hard to face reality. sometimes its difficult to see the god things happening around you... seems like no body cares and when you turn around there's nobody to look at... everyoe has moved on.... the road is empty and all around you is bare....
I sit and decide to wait for them to return... nobody exept dissapointment comes....
then slowly i rise, make my decition, and slowly walk foreward..... if they dont come to find me, them maybe they are waiting for me to find them....

I realize that without knowing both sides of the story,it is foolish to get angry coz anger without substantial reason eventually leads to shame. i am glad i decded to go ahead and take charge rather than wait and lose my life in sadness and pity...
Sometimes people need you but you're so much into your own problems that you dont hear them and sometimes they're too helpless to even call... if you sit around and wait for others to make the first move, then you might regret it....

Time ticks by
As a tear wells my eye,
to think what could have happened
had my anger not dampened....
i am glad that i gave in
and let your love penetrate my skin,
now its not what it could be-
for this, i thank me... :D

NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE

Love To Someone.....

2007-04-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes dreams seem impossible to acheive... even we know that it is never gonna happen
But who can stop the mind from wandering? Who can stop my dream?

pictures for representational purposes only!!!!!!

you are in my thoughts
you are in my dreams
you are always on my mind
you're every where, it seems!

when i see you,
my heart skips a beat.
when you look my way,
you lift me off my feet.

nobody can guess
that its you
not even the person
himself has a clue

i wonder why i behave so,
never has it happened before

but i know i cannot have you
its the thought that makes me low
Coz i know that i wil never say,
And you may never know.....

With The Crowd

2007-04-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

in response to a poem written by a friend:
they left me alone
without saying goodbye
its done me harm
it makes me cry
with all due respect to the writer, it is a good poem but:

this is to all those who think that they are the world's most unfortunate people.
i humor them... it is foolish to think that whatever has happened to you is the worst that can ever happen and then drown yourself in a bout of self pity n self sympathy... donot go looking for pity.. it doesnt work that way...
someone thought that i had "betrayed" them. they were advised to cry in front of the rest of our group and gain the sympathy of others by telling them what i had done. the result? nothing happened to me, but the person concerned was made fun of.
Friends cannot be gained by sympathy.

when you go looking for sympathy, it just means that you're weak.
life doesnt work that way. you have to grow up and move on.
nobody is wrong- you are. u let them do wat they did.

donot fool yourself by saying that the pity will make a difference..... coz it cant. it never will

we all hide our tears,
we all hide the pain,
we all beleive that others
have never experienced the same.

"i have been through suffering,
i have reason to cry,
i have been failing,
but everyone says try.

i have been betrayed,
i have been cursed with ill,
i am dying...
where is my reason to live?

others always have the better,
i am the one who always suffers.
i always have the worst,
it's a wonder that i didn't burst!"

but you need to wake up,
before self pity drowns you.
you need to grow up.

everyone cries and everyone hides,
everyone takes time to realize,
that the world is dark and full of lies.
but amidst all this, the one who wins-
is the one who sees all of this,
and inspite of it, still hopes and truly smiles.

YOU

2007-04-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

Learn to trust. it is difficult to do. be careful. it is possible to get hurt. dont be put off. there are those who will betray. but so what? try again and again because you can go through life trusting people who arent worth it, learning something new each time you stumble. but living your entire life without trusting anyone is qute pointless. coz you will live and die but your thoughts and memories will remain with those whom you have trusted... they will always remember you weather or not they have done you harm.....

i would say this to all my friends, old or new.. i know that all of you are true..
i choose to believe..... to trust.....

when the world has given me
all i can bear,
when all i can do
is say a silent prayer,
when i've lost my way,
when there's nothing
i can do or say,
whenever i need
understanding true,
whenever i am feeling blue,
i know that i can turn to you.
i know that you will
always be there,
i know that you will
always care.
i know that you are
with me when times are not fair.
i know that you are
always there for me.....

whenever i wanna
yell out loud,
whenever despair
is all ive found,
when a smile
is rare to see,
a lie seems
all the sky and sea,
whenever i feel
i can take no more,
whenever i feel
hopeless and sore,
whenever i just
wanna sit and cry,
whenever i feel
like i wanna die,
i close my eyes
and think of you,
and then i know
i can make it through-
coz u will always
stay by me
give me a smile
and make me feel pretty.
i know that you will
make me laugh
and make my life
a little less tough,
i know that i can
count on you...

i donno why i trust you so,
but i know that our friendship's true.
i donno how far this will go,
but i know i'll always be there for you too.

IN MY WORLD

2007-04-08T12:36:00.000-07:00

Here's to friendship! here's to all of them who taught me life. Among them were those who taught me to be strong and fight , there were those who taught me to forgive and forget, there are those who showed me that life has ups and downs but we must move on and never remain stuck to one thing. you cant hold one bad day against someone for the rest of their lives...... its not fair!!!

There's eight of us,
togeher we rule-
When we're with each other,
life's just too cool!

There's Mansi and there's Radha
They're in the F.B.I.,
Manali's the good girl-
Head Pupil of Jamnabai.
Short and sweet Ritu
is the 'Borivali ki Bhai'
Rishita's the 'Queen of Hearts'-
She and Janak make a good pair.
Pooja's got a dainty look;
She's just like a big white teddy bear.
Elaisha's always burried in a book,
She's basically a science freak.
Riddhi's the cute n quiet one:
She's an artist meek.

Without even one
we are all incomplete-
Rishita and Elaisha's fights
nobody can defeat.
Mansi-Manali's pyaar
is hard to beat.
Pooja and Neerav
Together look so sweet!

Tides will change,
Rivers will flow,
But our friendship
Shall only grow.

If you're lonely just give me a call,
Through all kinds of weather-
Even if the sky should fall,
Just as long as we're together:
It doesn't matter at all

Precious Girl

2007-04-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

this is for all those girls who think they have been betrayed by guys... or even vice versa... its not the end of the world!!! life still goes on,time doesnt stop. if you have lost one there will be many more to come... what happened was not your fault. it was just that the person was not right for you....

Dont ever waste your tears
On anyone who makes you cry
Coz they're not worth it
But someday the "someone" will come by
Who will be worth all that and more
The one person for whom you can die
But you'll never know who it is
Coz he will never let you try.

Letter to Death

2007-04-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there lived a girl, Anjali. She was a very popular little girl and had many friends. She went to Dehra Dun boarding school
But there was one problem. Anjali’s parents did not seem to love her at all. She wrote many letters home, but answers there were none. For the fear of loosing her friends, she wrote letters to herself.
One day she was walking down the street to the malt shop. Her friends were with her. It was her birthday but her parents never remembered. Her friends however, had given her lovely presents.
On her way back, she was alone. She walked up the street, a letter clutched in her hand. This was the only letter she received that she had not written to herself yet. She wondered who would be writing to her. As she walked on, she opened the letter. It was just a short note. She stopped dead in her tracks on reading it.
At that moment, a bus knocked her from behind. She was flung across the road. Her condition was pitiable. Her legs were strewn and her head was cut open. Nerve endings could be seen clearly at her back where the bus had struck. She was sprawled on the floor in a pool of blood, unconscious. The letter clutched in her hand, drenched in blood. At first no one came to help.
About a quarter of an hour later, another girl, Nita came by. She saw Anjali and stopped the taxi that she was traveling in. She asked for help to put Anjali in the cab. But nobody gathered the strength. The taxi driver also refused to befoul his vehicle.
Brave Nita decided to take Anjali to the hospital herself for it was not very far. She half dragged Anjali through the street. Anjali’s limp body dragged along the floor leaving a streak of blood.
Nita dragged on. She was tired but she did not dare to stop, lest she would loose the girl.

As soon as they reached the hospital, Anjali was rushed into the operation theatre. Nita did not know who the girl was and thus could not inform her relatives. They realized from the uniform that she went to Dehra Dun Boarding School. They sent for the school principal at once.
No one, however, noticed the note in her hand.
The doctors worked on Anjali, but could not save her. The lifeless body was brought out. The principal recognized her at once.
Nita slowly advanced to the body and extracted from its frail fingers a crumpled note. It said:

Anjali,

You are going to die.

From,
Your Mother.

Dear Parents - With Love, A Teenager.

2007-04-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

this was something i wrote when i was angry... i donot really think like that all the time... its just sometimes that i feel they donot understand me or donot even try to... even though i know they love me, i just cant understand it sometimes

Have you ever seen things
From my point of view?
Have you ever thought
Of trying something new?
Then why do you judge me
The way you do?

Have you ever cried yourself
To sleep at night?
Have you ever wondered
Why I do fight?
And yell and scream
With all my might?

Have you ever seen things
From my point of view?
Then why do you judge me
The way you do?

Have you ever wished
For every thing to end?
Hoped that times would change
Round life’s next bend?
Dreamt that someone came
Your broken heart to mend?

Have you ever thought
Of trying something new?
Then why do you judge me
The way you do?

Have you ever dreaded
Every angry tremor?
Have you ever sensed
Your spirit waver?
And believed that
Things would never get better?

Have you ever seen things
From my point of view?
Have you ever thought
Of trying something new?
Then why do you judge me
The way you do?

Have you ever thought
That you could never cope?
Have you ever felt
That you’ve lost all hope?
Have you ever wished to be
Only a little happier?
Have you ever considered
Death as the only answer?

Have you ever wondered
What I think of you?
How much you hurt me
Do you have any clue?

If only you’d stroked me
With a gentle hand,
If only you’d behaved differently,
Then you’d understand!

Together

2007-04-08T12:21:00.000-07:00

the first time that you fell in love... the first time your heart skipped a beat when they spoke to you. how you hid it because you thought that you would spoil your friendship if you confessed your feelings... or how they were in love with your best friend..
how you hid your feelings but yet they showed... its about all that and more.... its about love... that everyone feels wether they admit it or not!

I talk to him for hours on end,
Wishing he liked me to,
But I know he doesn’t look at me that way,
I like him, I really do!

It’s the last day of school,
We will not meet again,
After being so close…
It’s so easy to lose a friend!

It’s been a decade since we met,
Not conveying my feelings
Was a mistake I now regret….
But I can tell apart from all the noise-
A deep and husky voice…

It rings a bell,
It’s him, I can tell!

I’ve used my second chance
I told him what I think
He smiles- but maybe coz
My face is totally pink!

He said,” I spoke to you for hours on end,
Wishing you liked me the way I like you-
But then thought that you didn’t look at me that way…”
He’s liked me for ages too!

To you dear friend, I must say:
There is something to learn
At the end of the day,
When you’re in love,
Don’t hesitate,
Don’t wait,
For others to make the move,
Go ahead and tell,
Before it’s too late.

dont wait...

I Try

2007-04-08T12:20:00.002-07:00

Sometimes people hurt us. sometimes our friends leave us to cry when we need them and sometimes they become the reason for our tears. sometimes intentionally sometimes unknowingly. it is easy for us to blame them, to cry and make them the cause. We donot realize that they are still our friends and blaming them will only make us more unhappy. Not to reciprocate the mistake that they have made but in our turn to fill them with so much love and remind them that we are still friends and that friendship is unconditional and permanent...

any guesses who its 4??

I Try Not To Think Of You
Try Hard Not To Speak To U
Hold Back From All Temptation
Of Telling You Just Once
That:
I Miss U
I Need You
Dont Ever Let Go
Im Your Friend- Even After A Row

I Try So Hard
Not To Let My Thoughts Be Heard
My Heart Feels Trapped
In A Cage Like A Bird
I Try Hard To
Remember That U Dont Care
I Try So Hard
Not To Feel Despair
To Think Wat U Did
Is Just As Fair

I Try So Hard.
But:
I Miss You
I Need You
Dont Ever Let Go
In My Own Image- I'm Falling Low

I Try Too Hard
Not To Say A Word
Not To Let Anyone Know
That I Feel So Hurt
I Try So Hard
To Fall In Your Eye
But I'm Hoping Deep Inside
That You're Not Gonna Say Goodbye
Coz:
I Miss You
I Need You
Dont Ever Let Go
I'm Still Your FriendForever-Dont You Know

I Wanna Stop Trying
I Wanna Scream
I Wanna Tell U
What U Mean
To Me.....
And I Miss You
I Need You
Don't Ever Let Go
I Wanna Be Your Friend- I Wanna Let You Know

One Moment Apart

2007-04-08T12:20:00.001-07:00

The question is how long is forever.....

One moment without you
Seems like forever,
Without talking to you
My day is not over.

In times of sorrow I find comfort
In my own heart
Coz then I think of you
And I know He is kind-
For giving me love so true. .

When I sit and reflect
My thoughts of existence
I know I would rather know you
Than live a million years without your presence…

If I never knew you
I’d have lived my whole life through.
Feeling empty as the sky,
And never know why-
I was alive….

I may tell others
That I don’t like you
But by the end of the day,
My heartache starts anew..
My eyes are thirsty
For a glimpse of you,
My lips keep calling your name,
My hands reach out for you,
And my feet always
Keep walking back to you…..

Through Thick And Thin

2007-04-08T12:18:00.000-07:00

FRIENDSHIP IS UNCONDITIONAL.....

When all the world
Shows me its back,
Will you be there
To guide me through the dark?

When I’m in shadow
Lost, alone, and out of sight,
Will you come and find me,
And lead me to light?

When I see distrust
As I look around,
Will you stand by my side
And believe my lone sound?

Will you stay close,
When I am scared?
Without hollow promises,
Will you show me that you cared?

Will you understand
When my anger is at its height?
Will you not walk away
Even after a big fight?

Will I have your shoulder
When I need to cry,
When everything goes wrong,
And all sources of comfort are dry?

Will you be by me
Right through till the end?
In spite of all odds,
Will you still be my friend?

Falling Apart

2007-04-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

this is a poem i wrote for all of you to spread reality :) ....
today people move too fast to realise whats happening around.... calm down... I just wanna tell those who dont remember...
i wanna tell every one this: for once dont work, dont worry, dont fear, dont anticipate, dont want, dont dread.....

"just LIVE"

There’s so much happening out there
There is so much to do
Noise and confusion every where
Open up and take a look around you

It’s a competitive world
Of life, it’s a part
I’m trying to cope
But I’m falling apart

No one to tell
About how you feel
Life’s just like hell
But they say it’s no big deal

It’s a fast-forward world
Meant for those who’re smart
I’m trying to hope
But my world is falling apart

What’s the point, to you I ask,
Of running around?
After you’ve worked from dawn to dusk,
Is it happiness you’ve found?

It’s not a bad world.
Just living life is a forgotten art
Help me to hold things together
Coz our world is falling apart!

Walking Towards Nothing

2007-04-08T11:58:00.001-07:00

sometimes you feel hopeless. everything seems impossible.
sometimes your life seems to be going nowhere...
sometimes you feel that you're just.. walking towards nothing....

I chew and swallow
But I donot eat.
I donot live
even though I breathe
my eyes are shut
but I donot sleep
I step into sunshine
But I never feel the heat
Even though my feet move
I go towards nothing
My eyes are open
but I’m not looking

I am speaking
But no one listens
I am dancing
But no body looks
My heart is breaking
But noone can hear
I am dying
But there’s not a tear
I am crying
But noone cares
I am threatening
But nobody dares
I am falling
But noone sees
I am tearing
But nobody heals

I am watching
The sun go down
I am glancing

At every frown

I am stealing
From nature’s glory
I am dreaming
An impossible story……